Pain can teach us a lot of things, like love. It gives us a new perspective to look at the people, the world. Surprisingly enough, it teaches us to appreciate the smallest of things in our lives. We learn a lot from that pain, we become something. Something new, a changed/different person. Unfortunately, what we don’t realize is that we build a personality around that pain. Or
keeping that pain as a foundation and build ourselves. I did not realize that about myself until recently. The pain that I had in me has helped me grow and bring out a different person in me. The pain gave me a life, a personality. It built me. It is something that pushed me away from my hesitant self. It gave me the freedom to do what I want. It let me experience things that I would
otherwise be doubtful and scared to do. It created me. It let me be the person I wanted to be. But if you take that pain away, then I’m nothing,a no one. I’ve grown with that pain. It has nurtured me. How can I let go of something that created me?
I need that pain to do something, anything. The pain is the only thing that’s keeping me alive. It’s the only thing I can’t talk with full confidence. It’s my only topic of conversation. How’s it possible you ask, but that’s the case with me. I get tired and stressed thinking about it constantly. But in the end, it’s my only console. The same pain that messes up my head during the day, is what puts me to sleep at night. There were days when I used to wake up crying. Not
because of a bad dream or a nightmare but knowing that the pain still existed. That it’s going to be there with me for the rest of my life.
I came to this realisation during process lab, it was a part of a course I was doing. We talked about forgiveness. Forgiving oneself and others for the hurt or pain caused to us, consciously or unconsciously. In order to forgive others, one had to forgive oneself. I had to forgive myself for all the things I had put myself through to even consider forgiving others. How cruel was it. All those things I had made myself go through, created me, changed me. And I had to forgive myself for doing so. I had hurt a lot of people while trying to handle my pain. Shouldn’t I seek forgiveness from them before I can forgive myself? Is it easy to forgive oneself and others, knowing well all that has been done? The answer for me atleast is a NO. But letting go of that pain is essential to move forward. It is the toughest thing we’ll have to do. But it is the biggest favour anyone could be doing to oneself.